The Serial Minimiser

We've all been through it - whether we've decided to share things that have built up over time, or explained how something affects us - only to have someone shoot it down, dead in the water. Welcome, dear reader, to the concept of the Serial Minimser.

It is human nature to seek validation, we need to be told that we're doing well, that our thought process is acknowledged and understood. But sometimes when you decide to become vulnerable, especially to those closest to you, it can harm you more than help you, depending on the person's response.

Let's use an example: I have a person in my social group that is secretly spreading rumours about me behind my back to other people. Understandably, this would be not very pleasant and has the potential to blow up if I become ostracised from the group because of this particular person. Let's say I confide in a friend within this group about what is happening and how it is affecting me. If the friend I confide in shrugs it off and tells me to stop overreacting and being so sensitive, my attitude would shift. What was once a safe place to talk has now become somewhere I feel uncomfortable sharing my experience.

When this repeatedly happens, in any sort of context, this person becomes a Serial Minimiser. They believe you always make a big deal of things, mountains out of molehills, and refuse to see your side of the story and the effect upon your state of being. They invalidate your feelings and make you feel 'too much' when in reality, they could not care less about your issues.

We've all had times when we've not responded well to someone because of our mood, but this consistent behaviour and making someone feel small can be indicative of a pattern. Serial Minimisers may also neglect your issues because theirs are 'bigger'; they don't care about your friend squabble when they are trying to decide what their plans are tonight.

Hypothetically, let's say the Serial Minimiser does have a bigger issue, at home or something else. It's still not acceptable to ignore someone's struggle because compared to yours, it is perceived as greater. Struggles are struggles, why do they need to be compared or 'more' to garner attention?

Beware of the Serial Minimiser, in all aspects of life. And ensure you're being the best you can be to your family, friends, and everyone you interact with.

We can all be guilty of inhabiting qualities of the Serial Minimiser but actively choosing to employ compassion is fighting the concept.

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